By Mary Dollins ~ Every morning as I leave my driveway to head to work, I pass by my neighbor’s truck, which is covered in political and religious bumper stickers. The one that catches my eye most days says, “TRUTH, NOT TOLERANCE!” and every day I think, “You know, I don’t really want to meet that neighbor.”
Look, I’m all for bumper stickers and window decals, and I think it’s almost required for truck owners such as myself to proudly display their opinions and interests to fellow drivers who do not in any way give a shit, but I have to wonder…what is your bumper sticker really saying?
I drive slowly and I don’t want people to yell at me for it.
I desperately want to feel relevant.
I do yoga.
I am no longer on speaking terms with over 50% of my family, but it’s definitely their fault, not mine.
My children hate me.
My children hate me and my spouse has been having an affair for years.
I have lost my own sense of self and live vicariously through my children.
High school was the greatest time of my life.
My child’s high-school career is the greatest time of my life.
I rock and I love my mullet.
I’m a hipster and I love my mustache.
I smoke pot.
I smoke a lot of pot.
I’m racist.
I desperately want to feel relevant.
I am a slow, terrible driver.
I am an aggressive, terrible driver.
I’m conservative and my car is old.
I’m conservative and don’t necessarily think literacy is an important trait in a president.
I’m liberal and my car is old.
I spent the first decade of the 2000s smugly telling everyone I never voted for Bush.
I’ve spent the last six years smugly telling everyone I never voted for Obama.
I am a slightly idealistic but overall fairly average person who just happens to have a very hard time saying I’m sorry.
I will protest Obama by refusing to remove my two-year-old bumper sticker.
I am a sucker. I probably buy a lot of items from infomercials.
When people ask me to describe myself in three words or less, one of those words is ALWAYS “feminist.”
I’ve been described as “eccentric” more than once.
This sticker is only on here because I want you to know how proud I am my car is still running after all these years.
I’m white trash.
Still white trash, but people feel somewhat bad describing me like that, so they say, “Bless your heart.”
I’m actually a decent person.
I’m actually a decent person, too. The ones to watch out for are the ones who seethe with road rage rather than joke about it.
I desperately need hobbies.
I am the most redneck, obnoxious person you will ever meet.
Someone told me I wouldn’t get a ticket if I put this on my car.
I’m a hoarder. You should see my cats.
Pole Barn Garage bought back the 1959 Dodge D-300 truck that I learned to drive… Read More
Merricks Garage offers a comprehensive guide to efficient and effective electrical wire labeling techniques. [More...] Read More
This is a game-changing product from Speedway Motors: the bolt-in OBS Chevy 9-inch housing designed… Read More
Watch a checkered flag shift knob is made! There's no CNC machine or 3D Printer… Read More
Tackle the task of polishing and removing scratches from clear plastics quickly and easily. [More...] Read More
Witness the captivating journey of Model A Ford production from raw materials to finished cars… Read More